Peter and Alan's Backstory

"Peter, you come out from there right now so we can talk about this!"

"No! I don't care, you are not going to change your mind. So what is the fucking
point!" That was yelled even louder through the locked door of the bathroom,
followed by a sound kick to the door.

"I will have that door open young man! You will open this door or I will. If I
have to open this door, Peter, you will not be able to sit down until I come
back. Do you understand me? I have had enough of your sulking and your pouting.
I didn't make these plans, but I have to go to this conference and the meeting.
I'm sorry that it's going to take me away from you and our home. I will be home
on Christmas. I can't change time or distance. I wanted to be here with you all
week but I have to go."

Russ shook his head. He was screaming at a door! A locked door in his own house!
He wanted to kick the door as hard as Peter had but he was not going to lose
control. The issues that he and Peter had been working on were clearly bearing
fruit. The usually tough looking and tough acting younger man was as stoic as a
rock. Russ thumped his head against the door with a sigh. Well Peter was
learning how to trust and how to state he wants and needs. Break though. He ran
his hands though his hair. `Some break through', he thought, `now I just want to
strangle him.'

"Last chance, young man, before I get the tool box. Once I do that I will
blister that butt of yours! Now, you can either open the door and take your
spanking or I will open this door and get out the strap!"

He heard the bolt being drawn back and the lock snick. Then the door opened.
Peter was framed against the door, his hair a mess, his eyes wet and tears were
running down his face. Russ drew him into his arms and hugged him. Peter started
to sob as his arm wrapped around Russell's neck. Russ walked Peter back into the
bedroom and sat down in the large chair, pulling him on to his lap.

"I don't want you to go!" sobbed Peter into Russ' neck.

With his arms full of a young man Russ wasn't all that interested in going
either. Still it had to happen and Russ knew he had to give this young man the
grounding he needed. So much of Peter's young life had been groundless.
Struggling on the streets, slowly working up and out of that. The apparently a
terrible crash and burn in Florida which drove Peter back here. To home, where
Russ found him going though the company dumpster one night, thin half- starved
and burning with fever. Russ shook his head to dispel that look of Peter eyes
that night over a year and a half ago. Bright with fever but so lost, untrusting
and so scared. Russ thought he fell in love that night. When Peter collapsed in
his arm after trying to run away.

"Honey", Russ said in a calm soothing tone, "I am not your parents; I will come
back. I am not a trick promising you something and then standing you up. I am
your lover, your partner, your Top. I will come back like I said I will. I don't
lie. I didn't want to leave you here alone for a week especially this week of
Christmas. However I can't change the plans."

Peter was sniffling while listening to Russ's deep warm voice. He knew all this
he really did and he trusted Russ. He didn't quite understand where his head was
at. For some reason this leaving was very hard to take. He was fine really fine
they had talked about it. He and Russ talked it over with Peter's therapist. He
knew that Russ wasn't running out on him. He knew the meeting was very
important. He sniffed and tried to wipe his eyes. Russ handed him his
handkerchief. Peter blew his nose and Russ took the handkerchief and wiped his
eyes and face.

Peter woke up this morning and he saw the suitcase he flew out of bed dressed
only in his briefs and started yet another fight. He knew Russ didn't want to
go. But the mean-spirited words were flying out of his mouth before he could
even think. Then he just let it take him. Before he was really aware of it he
was in the bathroom and had locked the door.

Peter blushed and tried to bury his face in Russ's neck. He whispered in
Russell's ear, "I am so screwed aren't I?"

"Pretty much, yeah," whispered Russ.

"So much for anger issues getting settled soon," moaned Peter.

He hugged Russ hard and then got up walked to the bathroom and came back out
holding the wooden paddle. Russ sighed inside, took the wooden paddle in his
hand, set it on the table next to the chair and stood Peter up then he slowly
slid down that briefs Peter was wearing. Sometimes, he thought, is it a bitch
being a mean old Top. His mind flashed back to the many times he had been
standing in front of Art, butt bare, knowing this was going to hurt and feeling
like if he could just rewind he would not be getting his ass roasted. He wished
he could ask Peter if he felt that way too at these times. However there was a
time and a place for everything and right now he had to enforce the house rules.
He brought the paddle down firmly and he gripped Peter as his body jerked. He
knew this was needed he had to get past the feeling of let's forget it and
cuddle. He was in charge and his guy needed the firm boundaries they had worked
on. Steeling himself he continued spanking that bare butt over his knee. Peter
butt went from pale white to blushing pink to hot red. Peter's legs were kicking
and he was bucking. This wasn't the playful spanking they both enjoyed. This was
a punishment. Russ continued and let the paddle work down the cheeks to the
upper legs, painting them scarlet. He wasn't sure Peter heard him as the paddle
fell. He stopped, resting the paddle on the hot red bare but of the man he

"Do we lock door around here, love?" Peter shook his head.

"You know we don't, right?"

Peter shook his head again and gulped out a yes, then Russ landed five very firm
swats to the center of Peter's upturned bottom. Peter howled as the last five
licks landed hard on his bare butt. Then he lay boneless across his lover's
knee, tears and snot dripping down his face. His butt felt like it was going up
in a nuclear heat explosion. He hated this he could never figure it out. It was
so simple and so very direct. He had stood up in fights. He was a man yet the
sight of that paddle and the look in Russ' face was so very settling. When he
and Russ played he loved the feeling a nice warm butt, the mock growl in his
lover's voice would make his cock stand right up. He wasn't thinking about
anything right now except the painful burning. Yet under that under the pain and
the snot and the tears he felt calmer, in control. He felt cared for and safe.
He felt Russ' hand rubbing his back and his shoulders. The same hands that swung
that paddle felt so warm and loving. So safe. He sniffed. The familiar smell of
the laundry as a handkerchief was held for him to blow is nose. The warm feeling
as it wiped his face then those same strong arms that stood him up and then
moved him to the bed. Peter was laid beside Russ and Russ' hands continued to
rub and sooth. Peter was at the point where breathing was easier but his butt
felt like it was still flaming hot. Still, he felt connected and safe.

"Peter, it will get better!" Russ said in his low growl.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They had been on their huge bed for an hour re- connecting and just holding.
Peter's butt was still well spanked. He lay on top of Russ.

"I will be home in a week and I want you to behave, I hope I have made that
clear to you." Peter buried his face in Russ' neck, inhaling the aftershave and
the scent that was Russ and nodded.

"Clear, crystal clear," Peter said as he ghosted one of his hands over the
charred remnants of his ass. Russ captured that hand and replaced it with his
own hand cupping the burning butt.

"No parties. No late night drinking. No drinking and driving. Keep your nose
clean, young man, or this poor abused butt will be spanked again."

Peter was recovered enough to quip, "I blow my nose often, Sir, it is very
clean." Russ landed a slight slap to the butt in his hand.

"You know what I mean Brat! I will be calling at least once a day at about 7:00
pm your time, okay? And you can always reach me if you need to. Lacy will know
where I am. And you have my cell in case of an emergency." After a few more
minutes of cuddling and canoodling, Russ pulled Peter up and they went to the
bathroom where Peter took a shower and Russ finished dressing. Then, dressed,
together they went downstairs. The car Lacy Wilson had arranged was at the door.
Russ enfolded his man in his arms and kissed him seriously.

"I love you, Peter. I will be here in seven days."

Peter hugged Russ back and whispered, "I know. I love you, too, Big Man. Come
home and call often." Then picking up his case and his briefcase, Russ walked
down to the car and was gone. Peter watched the car disappear down the street,
then sat on the pouch wanting to cry. His phone rang and the caller ID alerted
him to a text from Russ.

:::Get your butt in the house and have breakfast young man! I love you brat, I

Peter grinned and went into the house.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~


Alan stepped off his box as the music stopped, last call was given and the
lights were about to come on. It was a bitter transformation. Bars of any kind
should never be seen under the harshness of the cleaning lights and the harsher
light of reality. He had just enough time to escape to the back, before the
drunks and the losers decided that since he was there he was going to go home
with them. Carl, the bartender, shot him a grin and nodded. Alan got the key and
went through the locked door. Many bars are in buildings that were not actually
built for bars and this was no exception. This place had a shower and a kitchen.
True, the kitchen was in the planning stages because Carl wanted to do food
someday. However, the shower was working right now and it had blessed hot water.
There was a serious lock on the metal door so Alan was safe. He had one key and
Carl had the other.

He had gotten the job with Carl. Alan knew there was a mysterious owner
somewhere, but Carl ran the show. Alan wasn't sure how he got the job as a
dancer here, given that his fake ID was terrible. However, it worked and the
tips gave him critical income. Not a lot, but some. Alan had been living on the
fringes for a while. He was a good looking man in his 17th year. Pretty fit for
guy who had been living on the outside society, ever since he ran away from
home, three years ago.

He shook that thought off and got his shampoo and body wash from his little
locker. Carl was good about letting him keep some stuff here but Alan didn't
want to push his luck, since he didn't have a shower of his own. Three hard
years had shown Alan just how bad it could be. This was the high point of his
day. He let the hot water wash away the sweat and grime. Carl let him shower
once a day and there was even a washing machine so he could wash his clothes.
This was the best gig he had had since he ran though his money. He showered, put
on his clean washed clothes, and let himself out the service door into the
alley. The alley was a place he always wanted to get out of quickly, since he
had more than had enough of alleys.

His mind flashed back to the night about three years ago, when he got coerced
into trying to turn tricks and it was a total disaster. He tried to avoid it,
but he was hungry and the guy seemed nice. Alan had not expected `Pretty Woman'
but he thought the back of that alley was far worse than he'd imagined. When the
man pressed himself into him, he smelled the same aftershave his father used and
it freaked him out. He tried, he knew the pimp had taken the money and he was
promised to get some, but that aftershave flipped him out and he tried to run.
The man was quicker and he clearly wanted his money's worth.

Suddenly there was a third person who snarled for the man to get lost. When Alan
opened his eyes he saw a guy who was choke-holding the man and pulling him off.
With a punch, the guy sent the man reeling down the alley. Then the guy grabbed
Alan's arm and hissed that they better make tracks or they would get beaten.
They ran and ran and ran. Alan was in pretty fair shape, so was the guy that
saved him. Soon they were out of the area and slowed to a walk.

The adrenalin and the fear as well as being hungry crashed down on Alan. He
collapsed against a wall. It was another alley. Just another alley in the same
city. Alan felt he was going nowhere. He wanted to cry. He wanted to die. The
guy helping him gave him a look and then asked if he had been hurt. Alan, trying
to be tough, wiped the tears out of his eyes and shook his head. Then the guy
pulled him to his feet and urged him on and up a flight of stairs to a rattle
trap apartment. It wasn't a crash pad, it was an apartment. With a door and a
lock. Not much else but it was private.

The guy looked at Alan and then plugged in an old hot plate. He boiled water and
he made tea. Then he went to a foam cooler and got some milk and some sugar. He
handed Alan an old cup with the handle broken off and told him to drink it down
and it would help with the shakes and the hunger.

Alan felt the warmth of the liquid go down his throat, then he paled. The guy
grabbed him and held him over the toilet as he was violently sick. It hurt. He
retched and heaved but he was empty and just bile came up. The guy held him.
Alan leaned against the clean but old porcelain toilet. The guy was back with a
warm wet cloth and he wiped Alan's face and then held out the cup, now filled
with cool water.

"Just sip, go slow. He didn't hurt you. You are just scared. I'm glad I came
along when I did. How old are you?" the guy asked.

Alan tried to deepen his voice. "Twenty", he said. The guy cocked his eyebrow.

"Want to try again?" he said with a grin. "If you're twenty then I'm forty five,
and I know I'm twenty. So how old are YOU? I ain't the police, I just wanted to
know how young you are to be trying to turn tricks in an alley. What fifteen?"
Alan nodded and leaned back against the wall.

"Runaway?" asked the guy. Alan nodded again "It had to be really bad to run. How

"A few months now. I can't, I just can't go back to HIM." The guy just nodded.

"Yeah, I know how that is. Suburbia sucks, terror inside the pretty houses. Step
dad? Uncle? Father? Which? Maybe older brother?"

"Father!" The title came out like an epithet.

"That sucks big time kiddo, but YOU didn't cause it... did you. You didn't do
anything but be there, right?"

"Yeah... right," Alan said tiredly, leaning his head back. "I didn't do a thing
but he kept doing it and doing it, then Mom left and it got really bad so I
checked out too. But what can I do? Mom's gone; I can't go back there. I thought
I could hang in suburbia, but you stick out. So I came to the Big City. It just
sucks! Then that trick, well, he was my first. Lewis said it would get better,
so he set it up and said he would hold the money and we would split it."

The guy handed back the cooling cup of tea and just shook his head.

"Hey!" Alan said "I'm not a fool but I was hungry. I knew what Lewis was doing.
He has boys everywhere but he fed me, okay! I scored food. I thought… shit, it's
just a dick, but the asshole had the same aftershave as my Father." The
bitterness poured out in his voice. "It freaked me out."

"Hey, hey, slow down Tiger!" the guy said with a ghost of a chuckle. "You'll do
fine, you won't need to do that. You hungry? I can spot you some food... And,
no, I don't want anything for it." The guy pulled Alan to his feet and they
walked out of the apartment.

Alan was amazed. He thought they were going to bounce or dive to eat, but the
guy steered him into a pizza place and took a seat. Well he did look okay,
clean, and he didn't look like he lived on the streets. That street look was the
first thing to show up. Most shop owners would have demanded money first or just
told Alan to beat it. This guy sat in the pizza joint as if he had the right to
be a customer. He ordered an entire pie and they ate it right there. God it was
so good. Alan had not had any real hot food for a while and it was as good as he
remembered. The guy had to remind him to slow down a few times. Once, he took
the second slice away from Alan, telling him to chew and to swallow first. The
guy did it all with a grin so Alan couldn't be mad at him. Alan couldn't
believe it and kept trying to figure out the guy's damage or his angle. The guy
just smiled at him.

"Appearances count, so rule one: you eat like you might be a bit hungry and you
are always polite and look like you belong. If you start looking street that is
where you will be, on the street", he said all this as he finished his beer and
closed the box. They walked out of the pizza place. "Now, second rule: be clean
or as clean as you can. We'll take care of that in the morning. Let's get some
shut eye, ` K?"

As they went back to the one room, it started getting cold. Alan was shivering
by the time they got back and the room was as cold and dark as when they'd left.
The guy pulled out a small flashlight and they sat on the bed. He handed Alan
another soda and got a beer for himself from the foam cooler.

"Now introductions need to be made," the guy said. "I like to know who is
sharing my bed." Alan sighed and nodded as that sad hopeless feeling came over

"Yeah feed me and fuck me," he said in a bitter voice. "Well you did buy me a
pizza..." Alan said resignedly, looking at the door.

"Aww Dude, that isn't what I meant", the guy said. "Look, so far I know that you
are a kid, I am a guy and sure I like guys, but I don't want kids. I don't need
a mercy fuck. I said sharing my bed and I meant just that. It gets very cold in
here. There is only one plug and you can't really use for anything else other
than that old plate or the fuse gets blown. So I thought we would bundle. But
what the hell dude, if you want to be that way, you can leave or you can try the
floor. There ain't no TV or cable, so when the sun goes down it is the best time
to sleep. I have to get up and work in the morning, but in order to do that I
need my shut eye. There's nothing else to do here, but there is the door if you
want some more of the night life!"

"Sorry!" Alan mumbled.

"It's okay, kid, you've had a time of it, I know. Sorry I blew my stack. I've
been there, only I was older and I got better at it. I'm not that far from where
you are, but now I have a job and this place. It's a rat trap, but it is clean.
I can't keep much here. Body heat works under the blankets. If you want you can
wear your clothes. I don't, because I only have two changes, so I sleep in
these." The guy pulled off his jeans, wearing a pair of long johns. "Well these
and socks, but I got one pair so far. Your jeans and your shirt might be okay if
you want to be safe, but trust me – I don't go for boys, I go for men."

He took the chair and the table and slid them in front of the door. He folded
his jeans and placed them under the bed, then he crawled under the pile of
covers. Alan looked at the door, then he too shucked out of his jeans and slid
under the covers. In the dark the guy's voice was low and warm next to Alan.

"By the way, I'm Peter."


The warmth of the man did heat up the bed and Alan began to relax. He felt safe
and he was fed and he was warm; not bad for the street. He fell asleep.

The room was dark and cold when Peter's alarm went off. It was on his watch and
it woke both of them up. Alan was deeply asleep. After sleeping in various crash
pads in the city, he had learned to sleep with one eye open. This place was dark
and peaceful and for the first time, Alan had slept deeply and well.

Peter got up and they both went out into the predawn of the just waking city.
Alan didn't know where they were going, he did hope that maybe he could get
warmer. When Peter pushed him on a bus, he paid for the fare and they sat in the
back. Alan was almost dozing when Peter pulled the cord and got up. Pulling Alan
along, Peter headed over to a Gym. He opened the door and went in. Alan followed
cautiously behind him. Peter went to the door and looked in.

"Scott!" he called. A moment later a tall well-built man appeared.

"Hey Pete, what's happening and who is this?" Scott asked.

"Well, I'll say he is my brother if that would help but he is another lost boy
and I am hoping to show him were he might be able to shower and... you know,
like I do."

Scott looked at Alan and then stuck out his hand.

"I'm Scott. I run this place. I'll let Pete here fill you in. But we have to be
careful. Not too many people at one time, okay? You two are fine because it is
so early and most of these people aren't up yet. So you follow Pete and he'll
explain everything."

Peter pulled Alan though the double doors and there was a mop and bucket along
with some other cleaning materials. Peter nodded to the cleaning stuff.

"You take that and get the ladies bathroom clean and all shiny. Then come back
here, okay? We do some cleaning around here. It saves Scott from hiring a guy to
do it. Scott can't pay much, but he gets me a membership and a locker. Before we
do that, however, let's get those clothes off you and get them washed. Down to
the skin, Dude." Peter opened a locker in the far corner. He handed Alan a pair
of shorts, which were on the large size but would keep Alan covered while they
worked. Peter took the clothing and added them to the large washer that was
there for the towels. He started the washer and Alan went off to clean the
ladies bathroom.

"Do a good job Alan. After we can swim or work out or just shower. I have been
working on Scott and I know what I can do and I want to share it with you. I
have two lockers here and they are safer than anything I can keep in the rat
trap, including my work clothes and tools."

Alan took the cleaning supplies and started his work. Soon the bathroom was
gleaming and he was back helping Peter finishing up the last of the mopping. The
floor and the halls were done and the dressing room was drying when Peter handed
Alan his clothes, still warm from the dryer. They hung them up in Peter's locker
and then they took a long wonderfully hot shower. Alan just let the water wash
over his body. It had been so long since he was able to really shower. The Pimp
had hinted that he could take a shower if the trick took him to a motel room,
but this was so much better. He was getting clean, really clean and his clothes
were clean and dry as well.

Alan felt like a new person he was clean, his clothes were clean his hair was
combed and he didn't look as if he lived on the street. He was amazed at what
that little bit did to make him feel so much better about himself and his
outlook. He felt in control for the first time since he arrived in this city. He
was gathering up the towels when he looked up as Peter came into the laundry
room. He had on a pair of jeans and a blue work-shirt. Around his waist he had a
tool belt and he was carrying a hard hat.

Peter grinned.

"Let's go kiddo, you are going to be my little brother today and we will see if
the foreman will put you on as a gopher at the job site. Be polite and, for
God's sake, be willing. If this works out, and it might, we can do this for a
bit and you will begin to get some money. Not a lot, but some which can go a
long way to get you going up instead of sinking down. Got it?" Alan nodded.

They stopped at a McDonald's and had breakfast and coffee to go and then jumped
on another bus. They arrived on this job site at 7:00 am. Peter introduced Alan
as his little brother to the foreman. He was a gruff man but he had learned to
trust Peter. Peter was there on time, did his job and did it well. He had been
the gopher until he took over for one of the guys that didn't show on day and he
got that job. So the site was a gopher short. The work was hard and long. But
Alan was doing something. He was working and he was really getting to like
Peter. He spent the day running errands and getting tools and the like. He was
finishing up the sweeping when Peter found him. The foreman gave him his day's
pay. He told Alan that he was being carried off the books because of his age, so
he would be paid cash each day he showed up. If he missed a day he was out.

Peter led him to a thrift store and he was able to score two more pairs of jeans
that fit and some tee's, even some socks and underwear. Alan made a note of the
address. The jeans were $3. 50. He walked out of the store with three shirts and
two more jeans and a pair of tights for sleeping for just under 15 bucks of his
first day's pay.

It was about 7:00 pm when they got off the bus in front of the health club. This
time Peter knocked on the back security door. Scott apparently was close by and
he opened the door and led them though the back to the men's locker room. This
time of day the place was not busy but there were paying members. So they
blended in, took another shower. Alan's clothes were dirty, as were Peter's, so
they did three loads of towels and then took a swim.

With the hard physical work Alan had done that day he was bushed and fading fast
when they got back to the rat trap. It was a quick coke for him and then into
his new sleep tights. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the bed. Peter sat
on the chair and drank his beer. It had been a hard day for the kid. Peter
grinned. The kid, well he was a kid, but he was a nice one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Peter had not got any help, he figured things out as they came. Living rough in
the north was not easy with winter always breathing down your neck. He
discovered this rat trap and he paid the rent. Each week Scott cashed his pay
check and added a little to it for the work Peter did around the gym. Peter had
met Scott when he was out looking for somewhere to be clean. Scott was not
willing at first, but Peter had made a point of being there and saying hello
each morning and at night. Besides, Scott was easy on the eyes. The Gym hadn't
been eaten up by one of the huge chains. It had been Scott's dream. Then, one
day, Peter was walking by when he came upon some guys in the alley. They were
standing as if they were waiting for someone. Peter saw Scott coming to his car,
and he realized they might be out to rob him. So he greeted Scott like he always
did, then told him about the two guys. Scott listened and they both went back
into the Gym. Scott figured that Peter had done him a good turn, so he let him
come and go as needed. Then the day boy left or didn't show up and Scott found
Peter cleaning up and doing the laundry. So Scott didn't replace the day boy. He
gave Peter a membership and two lockers.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Peter stripped down to his long johns and quickly got into bed with Alan. The
kid was so tired he didn't even budge.

The days went by fast and each day was pretty much the same. The better food and
the hard physical work was changing Alan from a weedy looking kid to a
well-built young man.

Not being any stranger to the facts of life Alan began to work at trying to get
Peter to notice him. Peter said he liked men not boys; Alan was quickly passing
that boy stage. Alan didn't know that Peter was noticing and looking but stayed
in the background. It was natural for Alan to have lost his heart to the man
that showed him the ropes but Peter wanted a man. Still Alan was getting very
hot looking. It was getting harder for Peter as the winter months ended and the
spring days began to warm up. Still keeping to the routine, the weather was
warming up and fewer and fewer blankets were needed. Fewer clothes were needed
for them as well. Peter woke up often with Alan's body curled next to his, which
taxed his determination to leave the kid alone. The problem was Alan was getting
to be a man and not a kid.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was early in the spring when the job site was filled with the news of a bad
hurricane in Florida. The radios had been on all over the site and everyone knew
it had happened. Still the talk was all about guys being hired at twice and
sometime three times the amount they were being paid here. The foreman got short
tempered as the amount of workers melted away. Still Peter and Alan came to work
and did the jobs. Then one day Jose had words with the foreman. He hung around
outside the site and waited for Peter to get off. Jose and Peter had become good
friends. Not anything like Alan. Jose was a full grown man and he was working to
support his family. He and Peter talked many times about the Florida situation.
This fight with the foreman was the last straw. Jose called Peter over to the
bar, near the site. Alan waited outside, but once it became clear the Peter was
going to be there for a while he went to the Gym to work and to work out. Scott
asked, and Alan told him that Peter would be by later. By this time, Alan knew
what to do and he did all the work and all the laundry. Then he went to the
workout room and began to work out. Scott had been giving him pointers and he
was showing a buff build. Peter didn't show up. Now worried, Alan headed for
their room. It was empty. There was no sign of Peter. Alan knew Peter had been
drinking and Alan also knew that Peter sometimes needed to go find a 'man'.
Usually though, Peter told Alan and then would leave and come back either,
looking drunk and happy, or just sad. This time were was nothing.

As the money had improved, they were both supplying what was needed to live
there. They had made a few changes to the place. It was still a dump, but they
had gotten a battery powered lantern. They still had to be careful about the
power so they only had the hotplate. During the spring, they used it less and
less eating street or at pizza places. It had been a while since either one of
them had gone hungry, or looked like they lived on the streets. They were
hanging on and the favorite talk was they would get an apartment, a real one,
soon. Alan knew they were not brothers but he also knew that Peter would come
home sooner or later. That night he finally went to bed, the little room seemed
to be as cold and cheerless as when he had first met Peter. It was a long time
before he fell asleep.

Morning came and he was up and the room was still empty. He dressed and headed
to the Gym where once again he made an excuse to Scott and did the work they had
both been doing, then he caught the bus to the job site. The foreman was on site
that day and yelled at Alan to get over to him. The foreman demanded to be told
where Peter was. Alan of course had no idea and the upshot of that very loud and
very short discussion was he was out. Alan didn't know what was happening. He
just knew that the foreman was pissed off that Peter had not come to work.
Without anything else to do, Alan went to the Gym. As soon as he arrived, Scott
called him over and handed him a letter. Scott took him to his small cramped
office and told him that Peter had dropped the letter by about an hour ago.
Scott's eyes were sad as he left the office, leaving Alan with the letter.



Jose and I are off to Florida. That foreman fired Jose. Jose said his cousin was
working on a site down in Miami. He was pretty sure he could get us work, but
just us. I wanted to take you with us, but Jose had the car and he didn't want
to mess with a kid. I know you're are not a kid, but it is going to be pretty
crowded with his wife and their children. It is his car and he did say something
about being under age and the people down there apparently check the sites
carefully so you could not be working with us. Don't come down here. I don't
know where we will end up. I got the address for the Gym from Scott.

Dude I hate to do this to you but you still have your job at the site and Scott
will keep you on. I left the address for the rent with Scott. Guy, this is bad,
I know and I feel like a shit. But if the money works out, I can make enough and
then send for you when I know where we are going to be. I do care for you, Alan.
I do. But dude, three times the money I was making is too good an offer to pass
up. You will do OK.

I left a bit of money with Scott, not much because I need to live on the road
and until we get working again down there. Don't be mad, just remember what I
taught you. Pay the rent. As long as they get the money they won't care. You
will still have a base. You will still have the Gym and your job on the site. I
hope that bastard doesn't get pissed and fire you too, but Dude what else can I
do? I know this is a kick in the nuts. I know you will be pissed, but hang in
there you are a smart kid and I know with what Scott and I showed you, you will
be OK.

Be well,


Alan read the words and felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. He sat on the
floor against the wall and began to cry. That is where Scott found him an hour
later still holding on to the letter. Scott took one look and got a cup of
coffee and some water. He coaxed Alan off the floor and on to the old couch.
Numb, tears were streaming down Alan's face. Scott carefully took the letter and
put it in his desk. Scott wrapped an old blanket around him and he went to carry
on with his work.

Scott was upset at Peter for leaving the kid; they had argued about it. Scott
told Peter that the kid looked up to him and he was worried that this might
drive Alan over the edge. An hour later, Alan had fallen asleep, with his face,
still looking hurt and the couch damp were he lay. Scott got a towel and gently
lifted Alan's head as he muttered "Peter," sighed and went back to sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It was getting dark, Peter had taken care of the household chores, mostly
waiting for Russ to call. That was like a lifeline when Peter could hear his
voice. They talked for over an hour and then Peter felt so bad when he hung up,
he called again. He didn't know how to say what he wanted to say. Usually, when
Russ was home, when they hit that part, Peter would cuddle up to Russ and try
talking to his shirt.

"Hey Sweetheart, it's okay, you know? Perfectly okay to miss me and I think it
is wonderful you called to tell me that", said Russ. Peter, gripping the phone
so hard his knuckles were white, relaxed with a sigh. Russ knew, but then he
always seemed to know. Peter made that observation out loud before his mind
could censor it. Then there was a warm chuckle from the other end of the line.

"I am your Top, of course I know. I know everything." Russ replied with such a
pompous tone, that Peter laughed out loud.

After another few minutes Peter was able to say good night without feeling like
he was all alone again. Peter paced the house for a bit then he decided that he
should do something. So he put on one of his oldest jackets and battered jeans.
He made a dash for the bus and caught it as it was pulling away. He sat and
watched the dusk slowly fall over the city. The holiday season was in full swing
so the Christmas lights helped make it seem a bit more festive. At least in the
part of town they lived in. As they got closer and closer to the downtown area,
the lights got less and less. Down here it was survival, not celebration. Peter
got off the bus near his old haunts. He walked around for a time seeing the old
sights which didn't cheer him. It did however make him thankful. He was out. He
was safe and he was loved.

Peter brought those memories up front. Remembered the many times he walked these
streets alone, scared and hungry. Hungry not only for food, but for someone to
care. Someone that would feel something if he was hurt or someone that wanted to
comfort him when he was scared. He affected a tough guy image, and in many way
he was. He had been alone on the street and he did survive. He made it. His mind
went back, as it did so many times, to Alan. He saw him in his mind's eye as he
looked the last time they had seen each other. Peter had tried to do what he
thought was the right thing. He left Alan as much as support he could. He often
wondered what happened to that little guy and he spent many nights trying to
drink what he knew was a betrayal away.

Living with Russ and waking up many nights with nightmares, Russ had asked Peter
about Alan. Then one night the story came out about the letter and how he had
left him.

Peter was not kind to himself. He remembered the shocked look on Russ's face
when he began to scream that he had abandoned the kid and ramped up to a full
blown meltdown. Russ knew only that Alan was the name that Peter would call out
in his nightmares. He was surprised by the abrupt change in the man he loved and
the bitter self-hate that lived just under the surface.

Russ reacted to the meltdown and did what he could do; he quickly took charge of
the situation. He had Peter across his lap so quickly that Peter was shocked
into silence. Russ spanked hard that night. He felt he had to get through to his
man, to the man he loved. He felt, maybe, with this direct approach he could
lance the boil of shame and hate that lay like a constrictor around Peter's
heart and soul. Russ was an experienced Top. He knew that this spanking was more
of a shock, more like the slap in the face to an hysterical person. It worked.
The blazing bottom and the tears were a good start. However Russ knew that
spanking didn't cure everything. So, that was when they started to talk about
therapy for Peter which lead to private sessions as well as couple sessions. It
was hard, hard work.
Many times, Peter returned from the therapy white faced and shaking. When Russ
went to pick him up, they would spend time in healing hugs, until Peter was able
to make it home. It started with Peter, shattered, leaning on Russ as they went
home together. Then as Peter got stronger just having Russ there was a help. Now
he could usually go on his own and it was rare that he would call Russ to pick
him up after a session.

Russ watched the work being done with admiration for the man he loved. Peter was
a complex person who had lived outside the structure of a home-life at a very
young age. He was strong and he was tough. The work done in the quiet room was
heartbreaking. The pain of feeling like trash; like something to be thrown away.
The basic betrayal of his parents for money. They didn't deserve the gift they
had been given and they threw it away.

Russ was different, he loved and cherished this man, his brat, his boy. As the
time passed they worked well as a couple. Russ loved Peter and Peter loved Russ
and they were making a life with each other.He acted on that and they were clear
on the fact that Peter was a brat at times. The spanking got less and less, but
they still existed as a sharp reminder that Peter was cared for and loved.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Peter walked past one of the bars he used to drink in. It was a gay bar and one
of the few places he could go and let that part of his life come out and play.
Leaning against the bar, he looked over the room and saw the dancer. Dancing on
a box with one of those mini spotlights on him, he was dressed - if that was the
word for it- in just an old worn jock. His eyes were closed and he was dancing
to the music. Being a slow night, the dancer was not really working the sparse
crowd, but was dancing to suit his own dreams.

Bills were folded on the edges of his jock, either he had had a better night
than the crowd showed, or he had seeded his jock to encourage tips. Peter kept
glancing over the room as he worked on his beer. It felt very good to know he
could do this. He could afford to drink a beer here, without worrying that he
would not be eating dinner or sacrificing something else to cover the cost. He
felt he was well within the bounds that he and Russ had set. He didn't drive. He
had enough for his bus ride back home or, if that didn't work, he could afford a
cab. He grinned at a cute young guy who walked up to him, but shook his head at
the offer. The music ended and then the next canned set began. The dancer moved
off his box and walked over to the bar. Because it was a gay bar, the spotlight
had been trained lower than the head height of the dancer and focused much more
on his jock than on his face.

The light was hard to see through and if the dancer had looked out into the bar
he would usually just see shapes until someone went up to tip him, then all he
usually saw was the money and the hand reaching for his jock. Stepping off the
platform was one of the many things that made this job difficult.

Alan's eyes tried to adjust to the dim lighting of the bar after the bright
light of the spot. In the past, accidentally he had bumped into guys, which made
it very hard to explain that this was not some sort of lame pick up move. This
time he made it to the bar without running into any one or stepping on to
anything. When he wore the jock he was usually able to wear an old pair of
trainers that could complete the look.

The bartender looked at him and handed him a glass. Alan drank the soda water.
It wasn't easy to dance all night. Still he had come in tonight to see if he
could make a few more bucks. Carl grinned at him and Alan grimaced back.

"Not much happening here tonight kiddo!" Carl said.

"Tell me about it", Alan glanced with a professional look over the crowd. "I'm
going to call it a night, Carl. That okay with you?"

"Sure Alan, not much use shaking your butt for this tired crowd," replied Carl.

Peter started on his second beer. He was remembering some of the times he had
had in this dive when the word `Alan' broke through his thoughts. He jerked his
head around and saw the bartender talking to the dancer. The dancer had his back
to the room but Peter could see his profile. His beer bottle slipped from his
hand and landed loudly on the bar. At the sudden sound both the bartender and
the dancer looked toward the sound. Peter was looking right at Alan.

"Peter?" came the remembered voice.

"Alan?" Peter whispered. He walked forward.

"Peter!" The voice got louder. "PETER!"

Alan was a sudden blur of motion and Peter found his arms full of a warm
wiggling laughing man. Peter's arms locked around Alan and he too was laughing.
They embraced again, holding one another tightly.

In all the gin joints in all the world you walked into mine. Things might just
get better.

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